Update 9:15 p.m….I’m counting down till Ethan comes home. I’m so excited I can’t hardly stand it.  I’m pretty sure he’ll think that’s crazy. I’m equally sure he already thinks I am! Oh, well…..

Out of the sandbox and back to…..oh, my….Washington, D.C. Is that really any safer?

I’ve got a surprise post for him when he gets home.

I had to run to the grocery store tonight. I saw a very familiar looking car in the parking lot, so I parked next to it. Rachael was shopping.

We just heard that Saddam Hussein has been executed.

I’ve been reading some old posts tonight, and doing a lot of thinking.

Scripture tells us to be thankful in all circumstances.

1 Thess 5:16-18…..16 Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  NIV

I use to think, “How is that possible?” So many things happen in our lives that we don’t feel thankful for. When our daughter, Rachel, died, I wasn’t thankful she died. I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I saw other parents with their children, and longed for my little girl who had died. When people saw us with Brandon, I wanted to say, “But we really have two children!” While the psychologist said I was handling my grief very well, it didn’t feel like it to me. It felt like my life would never be normal again.

But now I understand.

Later, much later, I was able to say I was thankful. Truly thankful. I would not wish losing a child on anyone…..unless it would teach that person a lesson they needed to learn. No..not a lesson I wanted them to learn, but one God wanted them to learn. That’s why God allowed it to happen in our lives. He had things He wanted us to learn. And I am thankful for the things we have learned from the tragedy. We are different people than we would have been if she had not come into our lives, and then been taken.

We learned how to minister to other people who were hurting from losing a child. We can walk through it with people, because we have walked through it in our own lives.

I had a thought earlier, something I already knew, but seemed to really feel it tonight when I thought about it. God walked through that loss with us and knew how we felt, because He had walked through it before. His own son had died, and He knew how it felt.

Now I can say I am thankful for the last 13-1/2 months. Without going into detail, I’ll just say that there was something else that happened then, that made us sad. I never thought I would be thankful for it. But now I really am thankful. I’ve learned things I would not have otherwise learned. Things that would have bothered me for a long time, because I knew there were things that were not right. I’ve learned some things from someone, and realized other things with God’s help.

I’ve spent more time in prayer in the last 13-1/2 months, than probably ever before. And I’ve seen more prayer answered than ever before. Funny how that works.

And I’m not sorry for any of it, because now I can see the good that has come from it.

And I’m thankful for that person.



14 thoughts on “

  1. wow cindy that is devistating but hay if you learned a precious lesson from it then its well worth it and im also here  to remind you of heart beat monday at connies blog but yet i know you still have to be hurting any way god bless and i love you lotts love shelly. and yay im 1st i hope:heartbeat::love:

  2. What a blessing to come out the other side of crisis knowing the lesson that was there for us…otherwise what a loss!
    Thankful today too my friend! :heartbeat: Thankful for friends like you..

  3. Thank you, Kerri. It’s so hard to remember going in, that there will be thankfulness and blessings on the other side.
    I was thinking that the sad/upsetting things in our lives remind me of riding a roller coaster. I’m not that wild about roller coasters (I’m not an adrenaline junkie), so the few times I’ve ridden one, I close my eyes and grit my teeth, steeling myself for the next big drop. I always think, “Oh, no….here comes another one.” Life is the same way. It’s not always pleasant looking at a scare coming toward me. But I sure am thankful when it’s over and I can breathe again. And I’m even more thankful when I can clearly see a lesson in it all.

  4. :heartbeat:I had a friend say to us one time that he was thankful that he had cancer because he would not be where he is today with the Lord and would not have met some of the most incredible people that he has met through the hospital and organizations he was involved in.   He is thankful for the experience … and he is in remission.
    I do not know what I would do if I had to go through what you have been through… sometimes I joke and say I would have to die, also… but, I know I would have to go on! 
    God bless you and your family … you do have some great kids!!!  
    Love you all!

  5. 🙂  Thanks, Connie. :heartbeat: 
    Yes…you do have to go on. We had a 2 year old. But there were days I couldn’t make myself get up off the couch. Brandon was very mature for a 2 year old, and he could do a lot for himself. He use to sit on the arm of the chair beside me (I had a c-section, so he couldn’t sit in my lap) and say, “Don’t cry, Mommy. Jesus has a baby now.”  Man….that’ll make you cry a little more.
    I told him a few years ago that I believe God allowed him to be very grown up for a reason – it was a big help to me. He could actually sit and talk to me when I was at home with him, and nobody else was here. He started reading at age 2, so it actually gave me something to keep me busy….teaching him. He just wasn’t a normal 2 year old. I think if he had been, I would not have been able to handle it.

  6. Hey Cindy…Your post touched me very deeply.  Often times to give thanks is to give a sacrifice…And God desires that we offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving.  Many people think we simply are to be thankful when we feel like being thankful or feel that we have a “valid” reason.  We fail to recognize the great truth that our Lord loves us and each thing that filters from HIS hands to us is not without the potential of bringing HIM glory and us good.  YEs, tough stuff for us humans to comprehend.  I appreciate your sharing this very important truth with us…And I mostly just appreciate the joy of “knowing” you through xanga!  WHo knows–maybe I’ll be blessed to meet you this side of heaven!  With much love and many prayers, paula:heartbeat:

  7. I was meant to read this post tonight, so thank you :goodjob: I think that this upcoming year I need to start concentrating on the good things that we have in our lives rather than the stress and anxiety that I make much worse for myself.

  8. oh gosh about the fly tape!!!! My parents have a maine coon (three cats, only one fluffy one) and the poor thing doesn’t know the power of her own tail. So far she has caught it on fire twice (mildly, not a true fire, but there were embers in the tail) from brushing up against a jar candle… and she ALSO got into FLY TAPE!!! My mom grabbed the tape and it was so sticky, the cat went running off the counter but instead ended up suspended in midair fromt he sheer stickiness of the tape. She had to be cornered and her tail fur clipped!

  9. Paula, I was re-reading your comment. Our pastor always says that whatever happens to a Christian, passes through God’s hands first. It gets His ok. And of course, the only reason for it is for Him to get the glory.
    Ever since we lost Rachel, my greatest fear has been in losing another one – my children or my husband. Not a fear like I hold tightly to them – just that I know how it hurts, and I really don’t want to go through that again. It is very difficult NOT to hold too tightly to them. My great-grandmother (the one I posted the pic of a few posts ago – Nevada Abbott Looper) lost her first child at about 6 months old, to illness. As a result, the next child, Aunt Leila, was overly protected. She became a terrible hypochondriac. She would not even go to school by herself, so my grandmother (who was a couple of years younger) was forced to start school early and hold her sister’s hand.

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