Parents and Children

Brandon and Rachael are moving soon. The rent in their current apartment is going up and it was already too high for what they have. He posted the letter they wrote to the manager. 

just heard from Sharon (justhopingnow). They made it to South Carolina and she said she loves it there. She’s hoping to get online in about a week and wanted me to let everybody know. She asks for everybody’s prayers. 

Do you know that even non-Xangans can comment on your blogs now? You do not have to sign in on a Xanga account to leave comments. I just tried it on Steve’s. You have to put in your name and email, but the email is not made public.

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A comment on a previous post started me thinking about the relationships between parents and their children.  Children are given to us to raise and train up in the way they should go. Scripture says children are a blessing from God and happy is the man who has many of them.
Ps 127:3-5……3 Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. 4 Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hands. 5 How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates. NLT
And raising children is a job. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things we will ever do.
Children love their parents, even in tough situations. When we were taking classes to be foster parents back in 1984, we were told that even children who have been removed from their homes due to abuse, still love their parents.
What a shame that so many children end up not getting along with their parents once they get older. What a shame many young adults are not close to their parents. Because once the children are grown, they truly can be friends with their parents.

It’s really the fault of both parents and children. As a child gets older, in their teen years, parents have to practice giving their children more freedom. But not quite as much freedom as the kids would like. They have to teach their children to make wise decisions, while not completely giving up decision-making themselves. There are still important decisions parents must make.

No parent is ever perfect. After all, we are human beings. Therefore parents make mistakes. But we do the best that we can. And parents are much more likely to do well, if they don’t forget to ask God for help.

Some children are more compliant – more likely to do as parents wish. And there are some who are bent on going against what their parents want if they have to die trying. And they just might.

Col 3:20……20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Eph 6:1……6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. NIV

 Parents are given their responsibilities by God. He gives them authority over their children. And parents have to answer to God. There is a chain of command, and Christian parents know that. Non-Christian parents are going to be very surprised to find that out when God demands an accounting of their lives.

But I think many times, even Christian parents don’t really think that through very well. Those in the military know the chain of command: if you are given an assignment by a superior and you don’t do it according to instructions, you are in trouble. That superior is right there in flesh and blood. Our superior is not visible, and more easily forgotten. Parents are held responsible by God when they do not follow through on His instructions.

I quoted Ephesians 6:1 above, but how often do you hear the rest of that passage? There is an important verse after that:

Eph 6:1-3……6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”-which is the first commandment with a promise- 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”  NIV

See that promise? If children honor their parents, things will go well for them and they will have long life! That’s a big blessing from God. If you do what He says to do – honor your parents – He will give you long life. And you will have less trouble in that long life, because God makes your way a little smoother. It doesn’t mean you’ll get everything you want, or that you won’t have any problems. But over all, things will go well for you.

Does an adult offspring have to still do everything a parent tells them to do? No….of course not. But they still must honor and respect their parents, if they want that promise. (Honoring parents does not mean doing everything they want, but it does include treating them well and not speaking disrepectfully.)

Now if that adult offspring is wise, he or she will listen to guidance from parents. If parents are Christian and study God’s word diligently, they can help provide wise counsel:

Prov 15:22……22 Where there is no counsel, purposes are frustrated, but with many counselors they are accomplished.

Why is it that so many people would rather ask anybody else for advice than to ask their parents?

Earthly fathers are a picture of our heavenly father. And those who do not get along well with their earthly fathers are going to have a harder time accepting love from God.

 Eph 6:4……4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Col 3:21……21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. NIV

How would a father embitter or exasperate his children? By being extremely critical and unforgiving. Unfortunately, many fathers think that is the way to be a good father. They forget to make sure they give plenty of love along with correction and instruction. And some fathers are not reasonable in their criticism or correction. The purpose is to teach, not to make a person feel bad about who they are. A child who knows he or she is loved and appreciated, will not really mind correction and instruction.

Brandon lived here until he got married at age 25. Now they have a home of their own. But I’m glad he lived here that long. Certainly things didn’t always go smoothly, but I’m glad we had all those years together. I didn’t have them with my own parents. My parents didn’t like the person I was dating (he was not a bad person – they just didn’t like him), so they told me to either stop dating him or move out. So I moved out. No, it wasn’t Steve. That was before I dated him. I really struggled, though, being out on my own.

I expect that Bethany will live here until she gets married, too.

I don’t believe in the attitude that many parents get: “If you live under my roof, you’re going to do things my way.” That just creates bitterness. There were some things we would not have wanted happening in our house and those things have to be addressed. For example, we would not have allowed them to live here and do drugs in our house. But I never would have told either of our kids to stop dating someone or move out. (I sure pray a lot, though!)

Once again, that “golden rule” comes into play:

Luke 6:30-31…… 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.  NIV 

Your children are people, too. Treat them the way you would want to be treated, even while disciplining them. And children (whether grown or not), treat your parents the way you want to be treated….with respect and love. Don’t drive your kids away.

And young adults….don’t push your parents away. They want the very best for you. They love you.



9 thoughts on “Parents and Children

  1. Good post :yes: I hope that my children never feel as if we have failed them as parents. That’s one of my fears about becoming a mother. I know a few people who don’t respect their parents as adults, now that they themselves are adults, because their parents failed to provide for them emotionally and spiritually. It’s a shame. I know some people my age who are doing the same thing with their own kids, and the fall-out will be terrible once those kids realize how their parents feel about them. Anyway, you can set your options to not allow outside people to comment. I like how Xanga is more private now without having to pay for premium!

  2. :goodjob:very wise words!  I think the teen to adult years my be the hardest on parents ~ it is hard to know just how much to pull back and how much to help out ~  But it is exciting to watch our 21 year old making his own decisions and learning as he goes.  He just bought a truck all on his own/ no co signer no help from us, it was fun to watch everything unfold.
    They may not  get it right every time ~ we had to learn the hard way a few times ourselves ~  My husband is always saying “do unto others as you would have them to unto you” ~ Our boys have heard that their entire lives 😆

  3. Hi, Lauryn….Steve was checking that out earlier that you can set it to keep out non-Xangans. I’ll leave it this way for now. I don’t have Xanga lock on because some people check it without signing in. It makes it easier for them. A friend from church reads occasionally and Steve’s cousin, and they don’t have Xangas. They can even comment now if they wish. I go ahead and pay for premium anyway, so I don’t have that banner across the top.
    I like still being here for my kids when they need something. They grow up, get married, and move out on their own, but sometimes they still need a little help. I like to think I can be friends with them. And I think (hope) that I am a friend to Rachael. I don’t want to tell them how to live their lives. But I want to be around to help when I can. I like being home during the day, because I’m usually here when somebody needs me.

  4.  it is hard to know just how much to pull back
    That’s the truth.  :yes: It’s hard to know sometimes, just how much to let them do. So many times I’ve just kind of been there holding my breath to see how they do (and holding the safety net  :giggle: ) And it is definitely exciting to see them actually spread the wings and fly on their own. It’s scary and a source of pride all at the same time. And that’s something they will not understand until they are standing in the same place.

  5. Good post and much wisdom therein! :goodjob: Interesting re: the info on not needing to have a Xanga acct….. how did you learn about that? And about the private commenting? That is 2 things I’ve learned from you in the past week or so. :heartbeat:

  6. Scott, at this very moment, I’ve forgotten. But I’ll find out.
    Carolyn, it was at the top of the private page for a while – I kept seeing up there. Then about 3 days ago, Suzanne commented on Steve’s while she was not signed into her Xanga account. So I tried it and it works.

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