I know I had people disagree with me on the last post, but it’s staying. I believe it is true.
I’m posting another article that Carolyn sent me this morning. Sometimes moms really do know what they are talking about. I can hear some of you disagreeing, so hush I’m not saying I agree with every point in here, but it does have some interesting ideas.
Love: Follow mom’s advice By Chelsea Kaplan
If you’re striking out in the game of love, it may be time to call in the ultimate dating coach: Mom. The dynamic combo of a) her keeping your best interests in mind and b) her relying on a lifetime of experience make Mom the ultimate authority on what you need to look for in a man.
Mama says: Look for a guy who’s generous
While many guys need to carefully monitor their spending habits, one who never splurges on his sweetheart may not be who Mom would consider Mr. Right-For-You. “My mother always told me that ‘cheap’ is a first cousin of ‘selfish’, so I should steer clear of guys who are always wanting to split the tab or unnecessarily counting every penny,” says Rayna, 27, a flight attendant in Dallas, TX. “She said that guys who were cheap were just another version of selfish: mostly thinking of themselves more than thinking of others.”
Emily, 24, a retail salesperson in New York, NY, said her mom had similar views and warned her against a particularly frugal man she once dated. “I once lived with a guy for a year who was a well-paid stockbroker. Even though he made nearly 10 times my salary, he always insisted on splitting all of our living costs—even including food and the expenses whenever we took a vacation together. My mom hated that he was so cheap because she thought it showed a lack of selflessness, and she warned me that marrying him would be a terrible mistake because he’d always think of himself before me or even our future kids. I ignored her, but when he got us tickets to go see a Broadway show on my birthday — one he wanted to see — and asked me to pay for my ticket, I got an inkling that Mom was right. Later his true selfishness became very apparent. I never would have wanted a lifetime of that, so I broke up with him. Should have listened to Mom from the get-go!”
Lesson learned: A guy who’s willing to make a sacrifice to treat you like a queen thinks (rightfully so!) that you deserve to feel like one.
Mama says: Look for a guy who is well-mannered
After raising perfectly polished kids of her own, Mom knows that training a grown man who is rough around the edges is a challenge that you don’t want to be saddled with. “My mother always tells me to pay close attention to a guy’s manners — how he eats, if he interacts appropriately with the waitstaff, if he follows the basic principles of etiquette — when I am out on a first date with him,” says Molly, 30, a radio producer in Boston, MA. “She says that if he’s ‘off’ in any of those areas, I might want to reconsider having a future with him because she claims ‘it’s tough enough teaching manners to children; imagine trying to teach them to an adult!’”
Fran, 27, a day-care assistant in Atlanta, GA, says that her mother never approved of her ill-mannered ex, and now she understands why: “When my mom first met my ex we were out to dinner and he talked with his mouth full the entire evening, didn’t know which silverware to use, and when dinner was over, he never thanked them for it. She assured me his behavior was indicative of future situations that would embarrass me in other social situations. I thought she was totally overreacting and being way too judgmental, but I later discovered that she was right. Any time we were out with friends his manners would always mortify me. Eventually I found myself making excuses for why we couldn’t meet friends out. I finally stopped canceling plans with friends and ended things with him. Mom was right—a poorly-mannered guy who isn’t making an effort to improve in that area makes for a bad boyfriend!”
Lesson learned: A guy who knows the appropriate ways to act in social situations (or is eager to train up) will never embarrass you.
Mama says: Look for a guy who’s industrious
Have you ever met a mom who wishes that her daughter would date a lazy guy? Didn’t think so. When it comes to recommending you seek out a hardworking guy, Mom knows what you might not always understand: A guy with a good work ethic will always take care of her little girl. “My mom told me that I should only date guys who are hardworking at their jobs, because that would be a good indicator of whether he would as a husband be a good provider for me and our kids,” says Paula, 25, a nursing student in Washington, D.C. While Linda, 33, a catering services representative in Villanova, PA, said her mother also recommended looking for a man with a strong work ethic, her mother’s advice involved looking beyond the workplace: “My mother told me to look for a guy who not only worked hard on the job, but also at home. She always told me to make sure he was willing to do his share of taking out the trash and helping out with the cooking and cleaning, too. She probably advised this because she raised five kids and kept up the house without the help of a husband who was willing to do those things, and it wore her down! Pretty solid advice, I think.”
For many mothers, industriousness and maturity go hand in hand (and you know Mom always warns you against those Peter Pan types): “My mother hated this one guy I dated who was habitually — and happily — unemployed,” says Becky, 28, a computer programmer in Vienna, VA. “He’d veg out on the couch all day, playing video games and order pizza while I worked to support us both. Mom would always ask me, ‘Do you really think this will change once you get married? Why have kids? You’ve already got one!’ and she’d urge me to find a guy with some semblance of a work ethic. Eventually I took her words to heart and started making sure that any guy I dated was not only gainfully employed, but had career goals for his future. Mom was right—an industrious guy is a mature guy.”
Lesson learned: A guy with a good work ethic, who always does his best to make your life together comfortable, is a solid partner.
Mama says: Look for a guy who’s flexible
Mom knows that life is full of ups and downs, which is why she always wants you to meet a guy who can help you make lemonade should life hand you lemons. “My mom’s number one piece of advice for me when I was dating was to find a guy who was adaptable, because she said life requires that we all be able to roll with the unexpected,” says Megan, 34, a web administrator in Moreno Valley, CA. Stacey, 28, a public-relations coordinator in Ft. Myers, FL, says that she realized how valuable her mom’s similar advice was when she was faced with a career opportunity: “I once dated a guy who was very set in his ways and pretty unwilling to deviate from his ideas of the way things should be. My mom would always say, ‘How are you going to live the rest of your life with someone who can’t handle all of the things that life throws at you?’ When I got my dream job that involved moving to another town, he refused to budge. I took her advice and went without him, and it was the best decision I ever made. I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would be like if I had stayed like he wanted to. Mom was right—sometimes in life you need to be willing to reconsider your rules.”
Lesson learned: Life’s full of both rain and shine—having a partner who can weather both with you is a keeper.
Mama says: Look for a guy who loves children
If you dream of a future filled with kids, Mama will always be the first one to tell you that you’d best look for a man who wants the same thing. Dana, 32, a teacher in New York, NY, says she always knew she wanted four children, and her mother always advised that she look for a guy who was on the same page: “My mom always told me to not only never considering dating a guy who didn’t want to have kids, but to also make sure that the one I picked really loved being around children. She always said that I should never want to be with the kind of guy who I’d have to convince or beg to have kids because he’d probably make a not-so-hot father anyway.” Even if you’re not sure you’re ready for a brood of babies, chances are Mom will still tell you that picking a guy who enjoys being around children is a good idea. “My mom says that men who are good with kids are always good-hearted men because they are ‘giving people,’” says Ashleigh, 23, a store manager in Akron, OH. “She always tells me that men who like kids are the sweetest kind, and in my dating experience, I’ve found that she’s totally right.”
Lesson learned: Whether you want kids or not, in general, men who like kids are kind-natured souls.
Want to hear another perspective on what mothers want for their daughters, dating-wise? Click here.