Going back to a cast

Go by sometime and say hello to Karen. She is Mom to my daughter-in-law, Rachael.

Sometimes decisions are just not easy to make. I am so torn on this one. There is a girl that Beth works with, that has an 11 month old boy.  She needs reliable childcare. She really wants me to do it. And deep down, I really don’t feel like I am able.

She is married (common-law) to a guy that doesn’t know how to hold a job. He’s working now, but not making much above minimum wage. That’s ok, if you don’t have a family to support, but he does. And on top of that, he has a warrant out for his arrest because of a traffic ticket he did not pay. I don’t know how much the ticket was, but if you don’t have a job, and your wife is supporting your family by working at Walmart, then you don’t have money to pay the ticket.

Several months back they were supposed to actually go to a judge and get married. You might remember me posting pictures of the wedding bouquet I made for her, as a wedding gift. But because of the warrant, they were afraid to try and get a license, for fear he would be arrested.  I did not know that until yesterday when she told me. They do, however, fit all the requirements for a common-law marriage in Texas.

They have several people who live with them….his mom, and a couple of friends. One friend I know gives them a little bit of money to help out with rent. However, they have a joint checking account, apparently, with his mom, and she has been spending their rent money. I told her, “Get separate accounts.” She said they are working on it. I’ve met his mom….she’s not an upstanding person.

She’s been so stressed, and she was crying when she told me the problems. She wants to work and is more than willing. But she doesn’t have childcare she can relay on. And she can’t afford it anyway. She told me yesterday she did not know if she was supposed to quit and go on welfare or not. I shudder at that thought. She’s a sweet girl, but she has gotten herself into a really bad situation, through some awful decision-making. I don’t see this marriage lasting.

And on top of it all, none of this is the baby’s fault.

She has asked me twice now if I knew of somebody who would be a reliable babysitter. She knows I have kept children in the past. She said she didn’t mean she was asking me. But of course she was. I can recognize a veiled request.

But I don’t feel like I am able. I have so many other responsibilities. Beth is still disabled…even more so now. We have doctor’s visits. I am getting a little more handicapped all the time. Right now, my right knee is absolutely killing me. Just standing is painful. Well…I don’t even have to stand. I just always hurts. I am as sure as I am of my own name (ok, ok….leave that alone  ) that there is a bone spur on the inside edge of my knee that is grinding against the bone below it. I have those bone spurs in all my joints. Even in my toes. The doctor that did Beth’s surgery told me that I will probably eventually need toe joint replacement  No thanks.

I am glad to finally be free enough to come and go, running errands at the times when I feel best like doing them. I have kept as many as 5 children, in addition to my own, in the past. It’s a ton of work. And I know well that people you babysit for, can be extremely discourteous to child care providers. They take advantage of them, even when they are your friends and you don’t think they’ll do it.  I have had people just show up, without letting me know they needed me to babysit. I have had people tell me they were coming, and never showed up. I’ve even had one person make a long-distance call on our phone, and never pay for it.

Now, having said that, I would gladly keep my own grandchildren. I can do that (no…we don’t have any yet). That would be the same as having my own children in the house. And their parents would not mind the way I dicipline. Other people don’t want you disciplining their children, for the most part. Oh, they say they don’t mind, but many times they do. One girl accused me of yelling, “Bad boy,” at her son, like you might do with a dog. I never did that, and never would. But that was a rather strange family anyway. The dad is the one that made the long distance call. They took the boy from here, and put him in a daycare run by the junior college near us (she worked for the college system, so she got a discount). The last time I saw that boy, he was extremely ill-behaved. I don’t think much of mass daycare centers.

I have thought about doing this, as a Christian outreach. Then the other part of me says, “Are you out of your mind?” I know I should not. I know I should say no. And then part of me thinks about the times I’ve needed help.  But then I have a reliable husband who chose to better himself by being educated, and hold down a good job. And I was able to quit and stay home to raise my own kids.

I don’t know what to do.

Sunflower line 

Beth has decided that she needs to go ahead and have a cast put back on her ankle. The boot is heavy and pulls on her heel too much. That doesn’t keep it stable, and it hurts. So we are waiting for the doctor’s office to call back.

Our church supports some missionaries by sending money directly to their sponsoring church each month. I guess we aren’t good Southern Baptists….we don’t send our money to the SBC’s missionaries. We choose to give more direct support to the missionaries, and they come to visit us when they can, to give updates on their ministry.

Mei-Mei Lee is the missionary in Macau, China, that we support. She is supposed to come visit us soon (I believe in September). Another missionary of ours, Samuel Nolasco and his family, are in Costa Rica. Sam has had some serious dental surgery with bone grafts to his jaw, and has been in need of a lot of help. The surgery has been over $24,000. The doctor has agreed to take payment as Sam can get it to him, which was an answer to prayer.

Beth Googled Sam this morning, and found that he has a blog on Blogspot here:

Ministering in Costa Rica

Now we can keep up with him online.

Kathie Nolasco also has a MySpace, as do her daughters. The girls are living in the US again, and one is married to an Air Force guy.


24 thoughts on “Going back to a cast

  1. So sorry to hear about the cast … but hopefully it will help her to heal faster with the added stability.I think it is cool that your church selects its own missionary support recipients. I’ve been reading you long enough to know that is not done without a good deal of thought and prayer. I am sure that your support funds are going right where they need to.Have a blessed day!

  2. @TXMom2Jami – Thanks, Laura. She just talked to the dr’s office, and won’t get in until next Wednesday.
    Our pastor is also a teacher at an area Christian School. He meets missionaries there that come for visits during their chapel time, and invites them to come to our church. Then we vote whether or not to support them. We’re small so we can’t do much, but we are currently supporting 2 missionaries (Nolasco and Lee), Gideon International, and Southeast Area Ministries. We use to support one more missionary, but that family seems to have dropped out of the ministry. We can’t even find them.
    Southeast Area Ministries, or SeAM, is a joint effort by several churches in our area. We have a food pantry and resale shop. It is better this way, because each of the member churches does not have to try to get information on everybody that asks for help. We have one central agency to send them to. If our own church members need help, we do it within the church. But if someone outside the church asks for help, we usually refer them to SeAM. SeAM gathers information on people needing help, to make sure we are not just giving out money to someone who wants to buy alcohol or drugs. They directly pay bills that need to be paid, such as rent or electric bills, rather than hand over cash to people. They are allowed to come back for help from the food pantry every 10 days.

  3. @TXMom2Jami – Each member church at SeAM has 2 representatives from that church that attend board meetings. I use to be one of them, until I turned the job over to someone else. A couple of years back, they tried to get me to be the treasurer of SeAM, but I just felt I had too much on my plate to do that. I also went around to a couple of area grocery stores and collected the food from the red barrels (at Kroger and Randalls) to take to the food pantry. That’s a lot of work. The people who work in the pantry and store are volunteers, which there are not nearly enough of. We have taken our youth to the store to help sort through donations and put them out for sale. We need to do that again.

  4. @awish4you – Hi….that’s a real good question. I was just checking the “account settings” and did not find any place where you can change that. So I don’t know. When I click on your comment box, it will not even let the curser come up. I’ll play around with it again in a little bit, and see if I can find anything else. :wave:

  5. Wow.  😦  I’m sure y’all are tired of this ankle/foot thing.  I can’t even remember how she broke it, it’s been so long. 
    Y’all hang in there.  I think that it is wise to go ahead and get the cast back on.  Praying that they can ger her into the office sooner. 

  6. @carrensey – She says it was rescuing orphans from a burning building. That’s her story and she’s sticking with it, even it’s it’s wildly different from jumping in a moonwalk and twisting it under when she came down.

  7. Wow! That is a toughie and I definitely do not have the answers. My question is why in the world would she jump out of the frying pan and into the fire? Seems like she is in a house full of free loaders. Anything you do for her allows the rest of the household to continue to misuse money and relieves them of responsibility. Seems like hubby needs to face up to the music and take care of traffic ticket and rest of the problem. Mom needs to be ashamed of herself. What does she spend the money on?
    All this said, go with your heart, but do not feel guilty about saying no.

  8. I once helped out a friend from church with childcare. The kids were Will’s age and older. It was a really sad situation. She was divorced and in a custody battle with an insane ex-husband. She paid me $2/hour and at the time, that was nearly half of what she made. It was trying. That was 14 years ago. I saw the mom a year or so ago. She was remarried and the kids were grown and nearly grown. I was glad that I had given them a safe and stable place to be, even though they were an inconvenience to me. I’ll pray for you to do God’s will in the situation. And remember, “He equips the called” if He tells you to do it. He’ll work out the details. If not you, maybe God will use you to help them find someone else.Renee

  9. @carrensey – If she were a single mom and did not have any other way, I probably would do this. Even if it did hurt my knees. But I really don’t want to get mixed up with the rest of this family. And I’m still torn. :love:

  10. @lindaintennessee – Well, she was going to pay me, she said, but I don’t know with what. And they are freeloaders. You are certainly right there. One of the guys Beth knows (works or worked at Walmart) and he is helping. He works. But the mom-in-law apparently works minimal hours because she doesn’t want to work. I have no idea how she spent the money, and I don’t think the rest of them do, either. She spent $300. Hubby definitely does need to face the music. He got the ticket…now he needs to take care of it. Even if he had to serve jail time to pay it off, the courts will usually work with people and let them serve time on their days off.
    I know exactly how this child will grow up….the same way the hubby did. I wish I could save the world. 😦

  11. @Singing4God8692 – That’s why I said:

    She wants to work and is more than willing. And nobody knows who she is.
    Yes, she works hard. And she is a good worker. She was promoted to be a customer service manager, but she felt she could not handle that job, so she asked to be put back as a cashier.

  12. Cindy I personally think God was speaking to you from your feelings of I don’t want to do this.   And then throughout your writing you repeated it.  I think God is leading you to be strong, put up your boundaries, guard yourself from getting in closer involved (childcare would really interlock you with this whole group).   You told of their struggle and I fear for you, your emotions and psyhchological being if nothing else, getting pulled in to the childcare.   Tell her you will keep listening incase you hear of someone and pray for the someone who God would put there.   Just because she is asking and needy doesn’t always mean you are the one.  Sometimes God is using the situation to make us stronger, to be the testimony but not necessary the resource –  boundaries I see written for this answer, my opinion.

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