Go by sometime and say hello to Karen. She is Mom to my daughter-in-law, Rachael.
Sometimes decisions are just not easy to make. I am so torn on this one. There is a girl that Beth works with, that has an 11 month old boy. She needs reliable childcare. She really wants me to do it. And deep down, I really don’t feel like I am able.
She is married (common-law) to a guy that doesn’t know how to hold a job. He’s working now, but not making much above minimum wage. That’s ok, if you don’t have a family to support, but he does. And on top of that, he has a warrant out for his arrest because of a traffic ticket he did not pay. I don’t know how much the ticket was, but if you don’t have a job, and your wife is supporting your family by working at Walmart, then you don’t have money to pay the ticket.
Several months back they were supposed to actually go to a judge and get married. You might remember me posting pictures of the wedding bouquet I made for her, as a wedding gift. But because of the warrant, they were afraid to try and get a license, for fear he would be arrested. I did not know that until yesterday when she told me. They do, however, fit all the requirements for a common-law marriage in Texas.
They have several people who live with them….his mom, and a couple of friends. One friend I know gives them a little bit of money to help out with rent. However, they have a joint checking account, apparently, with his mom, and she has been spending their rent money. I told her, “Get separate accounts.” She said they are working on it. I’ve met his mom….she’s not an upstanding person.
She’s been so stressed, and she was crying when she told me the problems. She wants to work and is more than willing. But she doesn’t have childcare she can relay on. And she can’t afford it anyway. She told me yesterday she did not know if she was supposed to quit and go on welfare or not. I shudder at that thought. She’s a sweet girl, but she has gotten herself into a really bad situation, through some awful decision-making. I don’t see this marriage lasting.
And on top of it all, none of this is the baby’s fault.
She has asked me twice now if I knew of somebody who would be a reliable babysitter. She knows I have kept children in the past. She said she didn’t mean she was asking me. But of course she was. I can recognize a veiled request.
But I don’t feel like I am able. I have so many other responsibilities. Beth is still disabled…even more so now. We have doctor’s visits. I am getting a little more handicapped all the time. Right now, my right knee is absolutely killing me. Just standing is painful. Well…I don’t even have to stand. I just always hurts. I am as sure as I am of my own name (ok, ok….leave that alone ) that there is a bone spur on the inside edge of my knee that is grinding against the bone below it. I have those bone spurs in all my joints. Even in my toes. The doctor that did Beth’s surgery told me that I will probably eventually need toe joint replacement No thanks.
I am glad to finally be free enough to come and go, running errands at the times when I feel best like doing them. I have kept as many as 5 children, in addition to my own, in the past. It’s a ton of work. And I know well that people you babysit for, can be extremely discourteous to child care providers. They take advantage of them, even when they are your friends and you don’t think they’ll do it. I have had people just show up, without letting me know they needed me to babysit. I have had people tell me they were coming, and never showed up. I’ve even had one person make a long-distance call on our phone, and never pay for it.
Now, having said that, I would gladly keep my own grandchildren. I can do that (no…we don’t have any yet). That would be the same as having my own children in the house. And their parents would not mind the way I dicipline. Other people don’t want you disciplining their children, for the most part. Oh, they say they don’t mind, but many times they do. One girl accused me of yelling, “Bad boy,” at her son, like you might do with a dog. I never did that, and never would. But that was a rather strange family anyway. The dad is the one that made the long distance call. They took the boy from here, and put him in a daycare run by the junior college near us (she worked for the college system, so she got a discount). The last time I saw that boy, he was extremely ill-behaved. I don’t think much of mass daycare centers.
I have thought about doing this, as a Christian outreach. Then the other part of me says, “Are you out of your mind?” I know I should not. I know I should say no. And then part of me thinks about the times I’ve needed help. But then I have a reliable husband who chose to better himself by being educated, and hold down a good job. And I was able to quit and stay home to raise my own kids.
I don’t know what to do.
Beth has decided that she needs to go ahead and have a cast put back on her ankle. The boot is heavy and pulls on her heel too much. That doesn’t keep it stable, and it hurts. So we are waiting for the doctor’s office to call back.
Our church supports some missionaries by sending money directly to their sponsoring church each month. I guess we aren’t good Southern Baptists….we don’t send our money to the SBC’s missionaries. We choose to give more direct support to the missionaries, and they come to visit us when they can, to give updates on their ministry.
Mei-Mei Lee is the missionary in Macau, China, that we support. She is supposed to come visit us soon (I believe in September). Another missionary of ours, Samuel Nolasco and his family, are in Costa Rica. Sam has had some serious dental surgery with bone grafts to his jaw, and has been in need of a lot of help. The surgery has been over $24,000. The doctor has agreed to take payment as Sam can get it to him, which was an answer to prayer.
Beth Googled Sam this morning, and found that he has a blog on Blogspot here:
Now we can keep up with him online.
Kathie Nolasco also has a MySpace, as do her daughters. The girls are living in the US again, and one is married to an Air Force guy.